Need sleep!

Body clock still arsed up completely. I woke up at 12.45 this afternoon and today have managed to go shopping in Tesco, to read some of the medical junk mail that has accumulated over the past fortnight, and and very little else. Now wide awake again and wondering whether to try the sample of zopiclone that is lying around the house.

I did try to put my photos online but it didn't work, I think it might have been a bit much for the kodak site to cope with all at once, so I'll have to leave that for another time. But here you can see one of the sources of the Amazon, high up in the Andes, which was pretty cool and very scenic.

The plan for tomorrow is probably to go to the gym, do some more sorting out and clearing up, and that sort of thing. I always feel like I need a week to recover after going on holiday and luckily I'm able to do this this time, but need to discipline myself to make sure I don't waste it. Got a friend coming down in a couple of weekends though so that is an excuse to make sure the house stays in a reasonable condition.

My vegetables mostly survived my holiday thanks to my parents who popped down a few tiimes to water them, the melon however has managed to die and we're not sure why as it was doing well. The courgette plant has grown hugely and the courgettes should be ready soon, and the first 4 tomatoes are ready to eat. Lots of chillis appearing too so maybe my friend will be fed a nice curry using home-grown ingredients.

You know it's time to end a blog entry when you start talking about gardening, so I'll go to bed now and try and think of something more interesting for tomorrow!

Back home

Well, I'm back in the UK now and am surprisingly awake considering I had about 3 hours sleep for the past 3 nights and spent the last 2 nights on planes. Journey home was a bit of a pain, flight was delayed leaving Lima and I got seated next to a talkative American. Then was supposed to have a stopover of several hours in transit at Newark, but they didn't seem too bothered about keeping me in the transit lounge so I checked my baggage straight in when I arrived, and headed off into NYC for a few hours to do some shopping. However it was a really really hot day and I got too worn out walking around in the heat so didn't do as much as planned, but got some great presents for people who have birthdays later in the year... stuff that you can only get in America and that sort of thing. Newark airport was pretty rubbish for shopping when I got back there, so I've ended up coming home with spare money for about the first time ever, think I'll put it towards the next trip! Arrived back this morning, and haven't had a sleep yet although almost nodded off in the bath earlier. I've spent the day doing laundry and things, and trying to catch up with what's been going on in the UK - I'm well behind with Big Brother and will have to go and buy Heat magazine tomorrow to get up to date. Photos have come out surprisingly well (mostly), from the one above you can see that Machu Picchu really does look like the postcards and there really are llamas walking all over the place. If anyone wants to have a go at photoshopping out the bloke in the yellow shirt who got in the way, that would be most welcome too!

I'm lucky enough to not be back at work til next weekend so tomorrow's job is paying the credit cards, putting the photos on the web, and trying to get organised again - as I'm working all over the place now I really ought to stick all my shifts on a big calendar so I don't forget any. Can't think of anything profound to say now, other than Peru is great and I had an excellent time. I'll post a link to the pictures once I've got them online. Night!

Middle of nowhere

Steve, I think that being in the middle of nowhere was an excellent excuse for not updatng my blog. And its still thursday where I am. The jungle lodge didnt even have electricity, let alone internet! And this keyboard doesnt have apostrophes so again I cant use them. Jungle was good fun but very hot and sticky, especially having to cover up to avoid the mozzies. We saw some huge insects and turtles and caiman (like small crocodiles) and capybara (giant rodents), and got told off on the night nature walk for not taking it seriously enough (references to Blair Witch project as we were walking by torchlight in the woods and that sort of thing). But they didnt mind really. As I said, there was no electricity so we had to use candles and torches and sleep under mosquito nets, managed not to get bitten which was good, but I am so looking forward to doing washing when I get home as I bet it stinks! Last night tonight so were going out for a last dinner, but not having guinea pig we dont think, tomorrow its fairly relaxed as we dont fly out til the evening, so might look round Lima a bit and do some shopping. Off to shower now, see you all soon!

Guinea-pig night

Skip this entry if you are of a sensitive disposition!

I am a bad person. I shall say no more, those of you who have read the earlier entries should be able to refer to the title of today´s blog and infer what I mean by this. It was a group experience and we agreed that it actually tasted rather nice, like chicken but a slightly stronger flavour. Anyway, it can be put down to experience now, never to be repeated...

Yesterday we went to some more Inca ruins and travelled through the sacred valley to get back to Cusco. We managed to lose one of the group up a mountain as he has vertigo and wanted to take a shortcut down, unfortunately because he was looking only at the ground he missed the rest of us and carried on all the way down, so we had a 90-minute search in which our guide was bricking it. Anyway, he turned up safe in the end which is all that matters, which is why we had to have the traditional celebratory dinner.

Today we had a lie-in til 8am which was luxury as usually we´ve had to get up much earlier. Our guide took us to one of the local markets which was amazing, loads of fruit and veg on display, meat being butchered on-site and huge piles of tripe and stuff everywhere. The most disgusting thing however was the stall selling things to be used as offerings to the sun gods (part of Inca culture) - as well as herbs and gifts, they were doing a roaring trade in dried llama foetuses. Eew. I didn´t buy one, obviously.

We´re going to continue chilling out today as tomorrow it´s an early start to fly to the Amazon jungle where we´ve got 2 nights in a jungle lodge. Seems today is the last proper shopping day (aside from the way home when I´ve got 12 hours in Newark to look forward to - might just have to pop into New York for a few hours) so I´m off now to support the local economy some more!

Machu Picchu

Well, we made it to Machu Picchu and it is amazing! Had early start yesterday to get the train up the mountain from Cusco, then by bus to the city, and it is so beautiful, surrounded by mountains and mist and there are llamas there too which is pretty cool. It´s all built on the hillside miles from anywhere and so lots of steep steps, don´t feel so bad about missing my gym classes this week now! We had a tour round the site and then walked backwards on the Inca trail to reach the sun gate which marks the final descent, I was bloody knackered after all the climbing but it was worth it for the views. We then went back to the town for pizza and some entertaining Peruvian music in the resturant, I fear we are turning into annoying tourists as most of us now have alpaca sweaters and llama socks as it´s all so cheap here - anyone who wants orders please put them in here! Today we had an early start again to go back to Machu Picchu for another tour before all the groups arrived, it gets pretty crowded in there and our guide reckons that in another 20 or so years they will close off the site and only let you see it from above, so come to Peru now and see it while you can! This afternoon we are shopping as we´ve been encouraged to support the local economy, as if we needed any excuse. Tonight we are off to Olltaytambo or something like that, one of the towns in the sacred Inca valley, before heading back to Cusco. There is talk of a guinea pig supper one night but I´m not yet convinced... Then at the start of next week we are off to the Amazon rainforest for a couple of nights which should be more relaxing - seeing as we´ve been up at like 5am every day so far!

Anyway, better get shopping!

Bloody freezing!

Me again - it is bloody freezing in Cusco! We all were not expecting it to be so cold and so have been stocking up on alpaca wool jumpers and socks. Today we had a tour around some of the ancient Inca sites and the city itself which is beautiful, and tomorrow we have to leave way too early at 5.30am to get to Machu Picchu. I think I want a pet alpaca, they are all fluffy and cute and I got a nice picture of a local woman with hers, however most of us had alpaca steak for dinner last night so not sure I could do that again if I had a pet one. There are people all over the town walking around in local clothes with llamas on leads, better than those scruffy tramps we get with dogs on strings in the UK, I think. I have a stinking cold at the moment along with some of the others in the group, but it´s not making us feel too grotty so hopefully should be on its way out soon. Going back to the hotel now for bed, it´s 7.40 pm and we need an early night before tomorow!

Llamas, alpacas and flamingos - oh my!

Fairly quick entry tonight as going for dinner in a bit. Have done such a lot in the last couple of days, driven down to Nazca and flown in a tiny plane over the weird lines in the desert (amazing), been surfing down sand dunes, a 12 hour trip ysterday through the high Andes to get to Cusco from where we head off to Machu Picchu later in the week. We got up to an altitude of 4500m and lots of the group were affected by altitude sickness - the stemetil I packed certainly came in handy! I was actually fine, although the thin air means that you get short of breath really quickly. Not eaten a guinea pig yet, but had goat stew 2 days ago which was pretty tasty, but god only knows what we will be served tonight as the restaurant menus all have alpaca and guinea pig on the menu. Better head off for dinner now, will write more when I next get to a net cafe. Hope you are all well and am looking forward to boring you with my photos!

Sand in every orifice

Me again, going to make it a short one tonight as is bloody freezing - I thought it was summer and didnt realise how cold it got. Also no apostrophes today as using Spanish keyboard and they are not in obvious places. Had to get up at 5.30 this morning to travel away from Lima, went to some islands and had a boat trip where we saw sea-lions, pelicans, and penguins, and then went sand surfing on some huge dunes which was like snowboading but on sand. Hence I now have sand practically everywhere.

Going to bed now as knackered. More later!

Smells like...

Well, 2 in one day isn't bad, and I'm referring of course to blog posts. Killing some time for now as the rest of the group appear to have been held up for a few hours. I've just been to get something to eat but have now returned to the hotel as it's only 6.30pm and it's already dark, don't facy walking the streets round here by myself! This afternoon I went for a walk around the Miraflores area which is supposedly one of the nicer parts, there are some pretty houses amongst the decrepit concrete blocks, and the seafront is nice too - there were people out surfing and lots of grassy spaces. I had to move hotels as we're in a different one tonight for the tour proper, but the guide came and got us from the previous one - he seems very nice and appears to know his stuff which helps, I suppose. Almost got myself thrown out of the supermarket down the road for taking a photo of some cans of food, I expect I will post the photo when I get back but suffice to say, it's a rather inappropriate choice of brand name for tinned fish that I assume doesn't mean the same round here as it does in the UK...

Went back to the supermarket for dinner this evening as they have a cafe above it and it was a bit less intimidating than some of the other restaurants. Had some roast chicken and rice and a bit of cake for about 2 quid, assuming I've worked out the conversion correctly. Hopefully it will be pretty cheap living here, all the more money to spend on proper shopping. Have to leave at 7am tomorrow, they were on about a morning call at 5.30am but I'm thinking more like shower tonight and get up at 6.30, which is still hideously early for a holiday as far as I'm concerned, but can't be helped. Off to bed now, more later...

Viva Peru!

Well I got here okay, although the ground staff at Newark where I had to make a connection seemed to be doing everything in their power to hinder us all. It took about 24 hours in total from leaving home to arriving at the hotel, 2 7-hour flights and a fair bit of waiting around. The plane was full of annoying Americans (not that all Americans are annoying, it´s just that there was a surplus of that type on my flight), you know the sort, clapping and cheering when the pilot lands and being loud and causing maximum disruption by going to the toilet 5 minutes after me in the aisle seat had got up to allow the other person in the row to do the same. So didn´t get much sleep, but I can usually cope with that after all the years as a housedog. When I was getting off the plane in Lima I ended up picking up a random German who didn´t have any hotel arranged, he wanted to know if anyone had any phone numbers so I gave him the number of mine and so he booked in there too so we could share the cost of a cab from the airport. We sat up drinking whisky for a bit after getting there, he´s already left today to fly to Cusco with hopes of doing the Inca Trail but I think that is pretty futile really as I don´t think he realises that permits for that sell out months in advance. Good luck to him, I guess.

Not really much else to say as yet, the hotel has been fine, I´ve killed one mosquito already and might try and see if I can find any of the other people on the trip although most of them are arriving tonight on the same flight. It´s warm in Lima, not sunny but not raining either and I´ll probably try and see some of it this afternoon as I´ve got several hours to waste. Meeting the rest of the group tonight, then tomorrow apparently we are driving down to the Ballestas Islands where there are loads of birds and sea lions and stuff, then to Ica which is Peru´s wine region, i just hope it isn`t weird wine made from Llama milk or something.

Anyway, until then....

P.S. All my holiday entries are going to be copied onto this page´s sister blog which can be accessed via my profile (but there is no need to do this as it´s exactly the same as this) - it´s been set up for the benefit of my parents who don´t want to read all the other crap about S club 7 and all that.

Brings it all back!

Just to prove I read my comments, today's post is to make up for the lack of a mention of S Club 7 yesterday. I'm not ashamed to say that their greatest hits album is on my iPod, as is Five Star's greatest hits. I've not yet got round to putting the best of Bros and New Kids on the Block on it, and of course it would not be complete without a bit of Take That too.

I went to see Take That at the end of May, and it was one of the greatest concerts ever. Robbie Williams at Knebworth was always going to be a hard act to follow (the man is an idiot but he certainly knows how to entertain a crowd), but the remaining members of TT have most definitely improved with age and I'd be hard pressed to choose one of them if I had to. Gary was previously my favourite (if you ignore his dodgy bleach job at the start of the 90s) and I wasn't keen on the others, but now they are all rather attractive - I'm looking forward to hearing the inevitable new material that they'll probably do to get a bit more cash in the bank. The concert was basically one huge hen night, with masses of groups of girls wearing matching sparkly cowboy hats (but not me, I hasten to add), and lots of gay boys wearing sparkly cowboy hats too. There were also a few kids there who weren't even born when Take That were around, and that made me feel old. I remember when Robbie left I was working in the USA on a camp in the middle of nowhere (see previous entry "Camp Transsexual, Pennsylvania") and we didn't find out for ages as Americans don't seem to have any news that doesn't concern them, we had to wait til someone's relative sent across a month old Sun newspaper. This was also in the days before t'internet so spending 3 months without email or blogs was nothing unusual.

But back to S Club 7 - fond memories again of their song "Reach", which was popular around the time I was sitting my medical finals in 2000. On the morning of the big written exam, most of the year were slaving away at the books, but in our house we were a little more laid-back and so spent the morning watching MTV and trying to learn the dance to the song. We all passed and I'm sure it must have been played in med club on results night - there most certainly "aint no party like an S club party...!"

I'm going to go and finish my packing now as I leave for the airport early tomorrow, bet there are loads of things that I forget, but it will be an excuse to go shopping if I do. So the next entry should hopefully be from Peru - see you then!

Music to my ears

Just uploading all my can't-live-without-them CDs to the iPod in time for the holiday (thanks again to Steve for giving it to me, one time I will not moan at the whole boys-and-their-toys-need-to-buy-the-latest-model-thus-making-the-old-one-redundant thing). I've got a rather eclectic mix of stuff saved on it, so thought that today whilst organising my song library, I'd give you a taste of it. So I'll list ten albums that I am mostly listening to at the moment, a mix of current favourites, some rediscovered classics, and top summer tunes. I'll let you work out which is the one that I am completely embarassed about but still secretly like... the "guilty pleasures" theme is something that I'm sure I'll return to one day soon. So, in the order they come in my iTunes library:

Greatest Hits (the Platinum Collection) - Barry Manilow
Now how did I know that was going to come up first? This of course is the one I am embarassed about. I got it in the days before the time when you could easily download odd songs that you liked, so had to get the whole album all because I wanted "Copacabana". Reason for that being that it was the song that represents my holiday in 1998, in Hong Kong. I'd gone there for 3 weeks with a friend whose brother was working there, we felt it would be rude not to visit him so invited ourselves over. One night, we had all gone to an Australian beer festival held at the old airport, and the live music got taken over midway through the evening by "Melvis", a Chinese Elvis impersonator. He is apparently a local legend and turns up randomly at all the most happening bars and events in Hong Kong, and this of course was no exception. He got up on stage and rather than launching into his characteristic Elvis classics, started singing Copacabana which went down a storm with the crowd, and I think got Barry Manilow a whole load of new fans. The rest of the album is quite good actually, in quite an awful way.

Get Lifted - John Legend
I think this is a great summer album, and doesn't need a lot more to be said. Smooth contemporary jazzy piano-based R&B which sounds like it shouldn't work, but does, ever so well. And I normally hate R&B as a rule.

Justified - Justin Timberlake
JT is high on my list of people I would, but know I shouldn't. He's about 12, for goodness sake, and used to have microphone hair. But there is something definitely attractive about men who can dance. I think this is another great summery album, although I'm used to people taking the piss about me for liking it. I started getting into him when I was doing a week of nights as a medical SHO in hospital, if it was quiet (not very often), I used to try and grab a nap on the sofa in the doctors mess, and I left MTV on in the background and his first song from the album was played loads. I never knew whether it was the long hours and stress of having to do horrid things that messed with my brain or not, but I began finding him rather attractive and haven't quite managed to get rid of that feeling.

Careless Love - Madeleine Peyroux
I got this album after hearing a snippet on an advert for it on TV and have not been disappointed. Again, sweet, summery jazz just perfect for this time of year.

Madonna - Confessions on a Dancefloor
She gets better with age, and whilst she's a bit scrawny and could do with a good meal, musically she's right up there. I love the fusion of 70s disco and 21-st century dance, and others have commented that the lyrics aren't all that good - but to be honest I don't pay much attention to them and just listen and enjoy!

More Than You Think You Are - Matchbox Twenty
I think this band are rather under-rated in the UK. Ok, they are pretty middle-of-the-road rock, but frontman Rob Thomas has a great voice and there is a huge range of styles, and it's nice to find an album where all the songs are single-worthy rather than fillers. Best song has to be "Disease" which was co-written with Mick Jagger - lyrically it's the ultimate bitter break-up song - listen to it when you are sat up late at night thinking about calling your b*stard ex who didn't deserve you - after listening to it I guarantee you'll be so over them!

No Tomorrow - Orson
Cheating a bit as I've only got this single which I downloaded because I loved it, wasn't too enamoured by their second single, but the third one sounds okay so maybe I'll invest in the album. Anyway, this is one of those really satisfying singles that just works on so many levels, has a great chorus, and I'm always inspired to run faster whenever it comes on in the gym.

A Maximum High - Shed Seven
An old album from my uni days that I recently rediscovered, excellent example of the mid-90s indie-type stuff.

Ibiza Classics - Manumission (compilation)
Cheating a bit here again because I don't own this album yet, but having seen an advert for it whilst watching TV this evening, I'm sure I soon will. Classic dance choons, and the sort of album that I could imagine dancing to in my living room, if I was that way inclined, but I'm not.

Wicked - Original Broadway Cast recording
If you're not into musical theatre then you won't like this, it's a total hit on Broadway and opens in London in a couple of months time. It's a new(ish) musical based on the book telling the prequel to the Wizard of Oz, and how the wicked witch became wicked. My friend Andy has been raving about it for a while, and having now heard it, I can see why. Some great examples of musical theatre songwriting with big choruses, memorable tunes, and ballads that avoid being sappy. I'm most definitely going to try and see it when it opens in London, not least because Adam Garcia (fit bloke in Coyote Ugly) is going to be in it for the opening months.

No Piggin' Way!

I had a guinea pig once. He was called Oswald. We acquired him from a work colleague of my mum's, who had many animals and felt she couldn't look after them all when her daughter left for university. The guinea pig pictured here is not Oswald, however. I never dressed him in a tutu, but had I been aware of the existence of this website:

http://cuddlycavies.homestead.com/costumes.html

I might well have done... or a nurse, or a cowboy, or, well, the possibilities are endless!

Anyway, poor Oswald led a happy life in our garden until he got eaten by a fox (or so we assume), towards the end of my second year at university. I didn't find out about this until a couple of weeks after it happened as I was in the middle of exams at the time and my parents didn't want to upset me in case I then failed. This, here, is Oswald.

Cute, wasn't he? Kind of like a black blob, with a few ginger bits that you can't see in the pic as it was taken at night. The reason for the topic of today's post is that in three days time I am off to Peru, where one of their national dishes is cuy, which is roasted guinea pig. I'm not sure how I feel about the prospect of chowing down on Oswald's cousin, and my mum has told me I'm not allowed to eat one (although I'm kind of too old for her to do that these days). I'm not someone who has any vegetarian tendencies, my main rule for meat is that I will not eat any organs that I have dissected or operated on (in humans) but anything else is fair game. Veal, ostrich, kangaroo and alligator have all made it past my lips, and I'll admit also that when I was in China we would have eaten dog if it had been the right season (never managed to find the street hawker speciality of rat-on-a-stick, though). So I guess if I am presented with a roasted rodent, I'll have to give it a go. Tastes like rabbit, apparently. And further food for thought is that in churches in Lima and Cusco, the paintings depicting the Last Supper show Jesus and the twelve disciples dining on roasted guinea pig - and if it's good enough for Him...

Guilty pleasures part 1

Ever had one of those days where you feel you have achieved nothing? I have, today, got up at a reasonable time and made it to the gym for dance aerobics class, then went to the library to get books for holiday, but after lunch I can't think what I must have spent the afternoon doing. I pulled some moss up from my lawn, had a bath, and did a bit of vacuuming, but surely that's not enough to take up the whole day? What I did not do however, was indulge in one of my favourite shameful timewasting guilty pleasures, which is watching TV shopping channels. You know, like QVC and price-drop TV (where you can purchase both of the "delightful" dolls pictured here for the bargain price of £11.82 plus postage).

There are several reasons why I love TV shopping. Firstly, it's shopping, which is reason enough, but in addition, it presents all those products that you never knew you could live without (those creepy dolls, again). It's strangely hypnotic, watching the presenters enthusing for ages about the finer points of a "wood-effect old-tyme radio" or an "aurora beaurealis encrusted fairy penguin pin", trying to convince me to call and hand over my credit card details. I have in fact bought a few things off of QVC over the years, if you are selective there are a few bargains to be had. I've got a few pieces of jewellery which are more unusual than what you can get on the high street and have had some good comments when I've worn them, and a pink glitter lava lamp which has lasted several years. I'm not interested in the standard clothing and homeware hours, the shows I like are the special jewellery ranges where there is a high chance of seeing tasteless gaudy tat, the Butler and Wilson shows as the presenter is fabulously camp, and some of the clothing ranges where you can buy horrid applique patchwork coats that make you look like a Peruvian llama farmer (fine if you are a Peruvian llama farmer, but not if you are a suburban housewife). I'm the sort of person that, when I go shopping with friends, is a bad influence because if they ask me if they should get something, I will always say yes if it is nice, so maybe I should try and get a job presenting on a shopping channel, I'm sure I could talk people into buying stuff!

Falling down

Somehow I've already broken the trade description act in that I've had a couple of days off from the blog - so it's no longer DAILY gubbins. I could argue that I am aiming for quality rather than quantity, but not convinced about living up to that either, so you'll have to just get what you're given.

I've been a bit of a social butterfly these past few days, had my work leaving do on friday and was under strict orders from my mum not to fall over after drinking... this has been something of a habit for me this year, having happened twice. But the first time didn't count as I was on a ski-ing holiday and I had slipped on some ice, nothing to do with all the gluhwein. Anyway, it was reasonably civilised, although an old tramp turned up in the pub who is one of our patients at the surgery, so he came over and joined us at the end which was kind of interesting, he pushes his stuff around in a pushchair which has 3 teddy bears sitting proudly amid plastic flowers and windmills. We were too polite to tell him and his large hernia to go elsewhere, but he's ok really and we were already leaving!

Then been down at my parents for the rest of the weekend, finally got round to seeing the Da Vinci Code film last night. I only read the book about 2 months ago (in 24 hours) - I hadn't thought that it would interest me, but I was pretty impressed as it was fascinating and had me gripped, although I did manage to work out two of the vital codes several pages before they were revealed. The film wasn't as good as the book, I thought, there was a lot left out and whilst some of the performances from the supporting cast (namely Ian McKellen and Paul Bettany) were great, I think it didn't quite live up to the hype. Some of it was filmed in the local cathedral which has an exhibition about the book in it (trying, not unreasonably, to cash in), the basis of which is that the character in the painting "The Last Supper" which the book would identify as Mary Magdalene, is actually John the Baptist, who historically has been portrayed with slightly effeminate features. I'm surprised at the nunber of people who take the book as fact, but I suppose if it gets people to think and look more deeply at the issues surrounding it, then it can't be a bad thing.

Been watching TV tonight and organising all my recipes into folders - I keep cutting them out of magazines when I see something I like, but never getting round to organising them so I can actually use them. But they are all trimmed neatly to size now, and tomorrow's job for when I'm in front of the TV is putting them into the folder. I am a complete domestic goddess, when I can be arsed, but it's never as much fun just cooking for one all the time.

Managed to remember to start my antimalarials for the holiday yesterday, they taste foul. It's a bit of a nuisance having to take them for 7 weeks in all, but better than getting malaria I guess. I've been getting my medical kit sorted to take with me - although I try and keep mostly quiet about my job, I like to be prepared just in case, and always travel with a selection of antibiotics, painkillers and such like. Luckily never had to use any of it so far, apart from lots of paracetamol and ibuprofen on this years ski trip, but that was for the lads hangovers rather than any injury.

Think I'm off to bed now, I'll be thinking of what to write about tomorrow - problem is, I have a lot of ideas, but it's whether I can convince myself that they are suitable for publication! Haven't yet given any relatives the address of this blog, if I do decide to, I'll have to ditch some of my best ideas about stuff they don't know about... maybe I'll start a separate one for holiday and parent-friendly information so the real dirty stuff can be aired here...

That's you, that is!

Hannah's blog is brought to you today courtesy of Professor F.J Lewis, Emeritus Professor of History at All Souls College, Oxford. In place of her regular informed and intellectual discussion, he would like to draw your attention instead to the link below which comprises a series of lectures from the early 1990s, which have stood the test of time as important debates on such vital topics of historial relevance as the Sebastopol uprising and the division of Church and State. And you see someone who is too tired to write a witty blog entry tonight? That's me, that is!

http://www.micaelita.com/historytoday/main.shtml

Back to the beginning...

Today I thought I'd go back to the beginning and talk about my earliest memories, as I was intrigued to hear recently that the average age for the first memory is around 3.5 years old. I certainly remember going to see my new baby brother in hospital when I was 3 years and one month, but was more interested in the fact that the baby had brought me a Mr Man tiddly-winks game, than I was with my ickle brother. But I was positively ancient then, as my earliest memory was in fact at the freakishly young age of 18 months, and involves going to hospital to have my head x-rayed after I had fallen out of my high chair onto my head (some may say that explains a lot, especially as it was the second time that it had happened in the space of a few months!)

The first time was when I fell down the stairs and got my head stuck between the bannisters aged just under a year, but even me with my superhuman powers of memory can't remember that one. I don't remember the actual high chair accident itself, but recall holding my mum's hand and walking up steps which I assume was the entrance to the hospital, and then lying on a bed with a machine over me and a small red light flashing on it. Thankfully being dropped twice on my head didn't seem to do me any harm, and I've got a few memories between that and my brother's arrival, but seem to have mostly blanked out living in Essex for the first 2.5 years of my life... Why I can remember this, and useless facts like the names of the four stomachs of a cow (they are called the rumen, reticulum, omasum and abomasum), but not exactly what went on on the night of my 30th birthday, is a question for another day.

Camp transsexual, Pennsylvania

I realised that today is Independence Day across the pond, so it made the topic of today's blog entry pretty easy. And an excuse to show off the photo on the left, which is an atmospheric view of New York taken a few years ago.

I'm lucky (some might say unlucky?) enough to have spent quite a bit of time in the States, the first time was when I was aged 19 and did a summer working on a children's camp. There were a large number of UK and Australian staff, and after a while we were fed up of all the American patriotism and superficiality, so in the middle of the night before Independence Day, we switched the large American flag on the main flagpole for a sheet with the Union Jack painted on it. All the camp gathered for the morning flag-raising ceremony, stood to attention with fists placed firmly over their hearts whilst they recited the Pledge of allegiance, then the flag was hoisted and unfurled to reveal our imposter. Didn't go down too well, as I recall... In fact, quite a lot of what the Brits got up to didn't go down too well - the Yanks were amazed at the amount of underage drinking that went on which they didn't dare partake in (they failed to understand that we were mostly uni students and it was perfectly legal had we been back home). There were also our overnight excursions to the spooky "Camp Polio" down the road - an old summer camp by a nearby lake which had been deserted for many years, rumour had it since there was a fatal outbreak of polio during a summer season, or since some campers were eaten by alligators while swimming in the lake, depending who you believe. Anyway, these rumours borrowed heavily from "Halloween", and it was the only place we could all go to overnight when we had our off-duty, as none of us had cars. We brought so much beer in from the local town, that the floor in one of the rooms collapsed and we all fell shrieking into the ground.

The main camp itself was very big on music and drama, and my job was to be musical director for the shows that were put on every fortnight over the summer. The kids were split into 3 age groups and each had a fortnight to learn and put on a musical - we did the Sound of Music, the Lion King, and Little Shop of Horrors, and I was pretty impressed with what we were able to knock up in such a short space of time. The counselors then wanted in on it, so we decided to make 1995 the year of the inaugural staff musical, and what could be less appropriate than the Rocky Horror show? I had to do some serious editing of the lyrics, so that it would not be deemed too rude for the kids, for example, the song which goes:

"I'm just a sweet transvestite ... from Transsexual ...Transylvania-aaaa-aaah!"

became:

"I'm just the head Boys Counselor ... from Camp Tyler Hill ... Pennsylvania-aaa-aaah!"

(it works if you sing it to the tune). Oops, I just revealed the name of the camp, never mind, not as if I'm planning on going back! The staff not involved in the show were horrified, but the kids loved it as it turned into a piss-take of all the high-up camp staff, not that we at all insinuated that after campers had gone to bed, the male staff changed out of their camp uniform t-shirts into full drag and basques. Happy days, but bloody hard work! The camp was so rich that they hired a celebrity each year to open their Colour War competition, 1995's was Matthew Perry (aka Chandler off of "Friends"), except at that time nobody in England knew who he was so I managed a quick chat with him and got his autograph seeing as all the Yanks were going crazy over him, it was only when Friends took off in the UK that I realised who I'd been chatting with. Friend of the stars, me...

Timewasting...

I'm really only posting this as the editing tool is crap and makes it nigh on impossible to edit pictures on previous posts. I want the little picture of me to be on my profile and to start with, the image size was too big, then the allocated URL was too many characters, so maybe it'll be third time lucky?

Just so's this entry hasn't been a waste of time, something for your amusement:

http://www.callme.nm.ru/ Type your name into the box, it will recognise it as English and you'll be able to understand the rest of the site (might not be safe for work...)

Four eyes

The countdown to my holiday has begun, so I've been out shopping to buy all those essentials. I've had the jabs, got the antimalarials, but have ended up getting all hot and bothered today trying to buy sunglasses. Not the normal sort, you understand, as I've got a variety of pairs to suit everything from sports and activity to full-on Footballer's Wife style poolside posing. But what I was looking for today were prescription ones, in case I have a bad eye day and can't wear my contacts (Occasionally I get a bad eye as a result of accidentally poking it with sharp tweezers a couple of years back, that's what comes of being highly myopic but still wanting to have perfectly groomed eyebrows).

Anyway, I thought I'd invest in a pair so that I can still see if my eye goes bad in the sun, but as yet haven't had much luck. The problem is, my usual glasses would look like this (made marginally better if I pay lots for high-index lenses). For those of you au fait with lens prescriptions, that's a minus 9 strength. It's all very well telling everyone to go to Specsavers (or any other high-street optical chain store) but when you're blind as a bat, you're a bit limited. For everyday wear you can get small discreet frames that minimise the coke-bottle effect, but this is no good for sunglasses where the aim is to block out as much sunlight as possible. Hence the obvious reason that most go for big sunglasses frames, but that would look crap in my case. I still have nightmares from the early 1990s when the fashion was for big glasses, I kept my worst ever lens and it was over a centimetre thick at its widest point. Not a good look. So I'm going to have to go shopping again tomorrow as I didn't find anything I liked today...

Aching lots in fact, as I managed to go to dance class at the gym and go for a swim in addition to all the above, the dance workout has just changed the routines and is now a strange mix of 80s Bros, and current R&B. I liked it more when there wasn't so much R&B as there are too many skinny girls in the class and it just looks stupid, them trying to shake their non-existant booty.

It looks like poo!

This is most certainly not going to be a Grrrreat post! I refer you please, to the link below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bLndLiDy5w

There are several issues I have with this. First of all, it's a shit advert and has one of the most annoying jingles I have ever heard. Secondly, there have been lots of internet-fuelled conspiracy theories (all false) stating that the poor kid who stars in the commercial killed himself shortly after it first aired because he was so embarrassed. He's had a lot of hateful comments posted about him, and I think this is really unfair. He is too young to realise the folly of appearing in such a thing, and should have our understanding and support, nay, pity, rather than have scorn poured upon him. And why do I feel this way?

Because once I was almost one of these advert kids!

Let me take you back to around 1982, when I would have been aged around six. Like most other little girls, I attended dancing classes, and through this, I later discovered, our details were passed to a casting agency and from time to time we would be called for auditions if we fitted the brief for whichever TV show or advert was being cast. Of course, at the time, I was not told why I was going off to all these auditions at the BBC, I'm sure I'd have made more of an effort if I'd known I might have got to be on television! Anyway, often I was cast asunder at the first hurdle, for having the wrong colour hair or not being the right height, but on one occasion I eventually made it through to the final call for a Nutella advert. The last audition consisted of being given some bread with Nutella on it (for those not in the know, it's chocolate hazelnut spread), and being asked to react by saying "Mmmmm", or enthusing in an appropriate manner about how yummy the product was. So I was handed this bit of bread, and I had no idea what the hell was spread on it! My parents fed me pretty sensibly at home, and whilst I was familiar with jam, chocolate spread was a complete mystery to me. I was given the nod by the casting director and was expected to bite into it then dissolve into rapturous admiration for the taste, but I just wasn't that good an actress. "Eurgh, what's this?" was my first unscripted improvisation in front of the camera. "Go on, take a bite, it's really nice" prompted the director, encouragingly. "But it looks like poo!" I replied, and at that moment ended all chances of a television career. Who knows, my life could have turned out so differently if only I'd been exposed to more additives and junk food in my early childhood...

Ever since, I have been on a quest to seek my 15 minutes of fame, but that of course is a topic for another day.

They think it's all over... it is now!

I'm going to start this evening by talking about the football, which I admit to not being into at all. Having deliberately avoided watching any world cup games thus far, I turned on the tv after my afternoon bath to see Ingerland struggling on with ten men for the last bit of extra time before, quelle surprise, losing on penalites. Whilst I am proud to be English and am staunchley patriotic about my country, I just cannot get into football at all. Rugby, on the other hand, is a very different matter, for starters there are more men on the pitch and they are generally (Gavin Henson aside) more manly and rugged and big and strong, and not the sort to spend more time than I do on their hair and fake tan. However the England goalie was quite fit, so it wasn't all bad.

I have spent today doing the very exciting job of weeding my lawn and other bits around the garden, my tomatoes are coming along nicely and I reckon they will be just about ready to eat in about a fortnight's time just when I'm off on holiday. The courgettes, peppers and chillis should take a big longer though so maybe I'll get to enjoy those. I'm growing melons too but not sure how they will turn out.

I think I will start putting some pictures in my blog as it's a bit dull, otherwise. Might try to put in something reasonably relevant to the content, so today's is a gratuitous picture of the fit England goalie. I found out from the England FA website that he is only 25. I feel like a predatory old woman. The picture upload tool didn't work yesterday so I'll have to go back and see if I can add something to my first entry.

Rather than continue in this rather mundane vein for the time being, I will direct you to a couple of video links which have made me laugh recently.

This one is a mash-up of gansta rap and children's TV which fits together strangely well:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5gVhXszrGY

And this one is for the amusement of watching Noel Edmonds quickly try and dig himself out of a hole... "gorgeous face"!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6IBC5udIBoA